Marie Antoinzzzzzzz
WARNING: If you are actually planning on seeing Marie Antoinette and don't want anything ruined for you, do not read this post!
First of all, let me begin by saying that I am not, nor have I ever been a fan of Kirsten Dunst (my Bring It On guilty pleasure aside). There's just something about her that I do not like. Now, that's not to say I can't change my mind about these things. I used to dislike Natalie Portman and Claire Danes as well, but all it took was a few good films to turn me around (Garden State and V for Vendetta with Portman, Stage Beauty and The Family Stone with Danes). So on some level, I thought that this may well be the turning point film for me and Dunst.
Unfortunately, it was not to be. This was in fact one of the most boring movies I have ever seen in a very long time. About 20 minutes into the film, Darcy whispers that very statement to me and I quickly shushed him. The Philistine! What does he know about movies? Of course they needed all 10 minutes of Kirsten looking out the carriage window to represent her long and tedious journey to France. And of course they needed all 5 minutes of her and Jason Schwartzman (Louis XVI) at the dinner table not speaking to each other and then another 5 minutes of them lying quietly next to each other in bed to represent the awkward situation they were thrown into and the protocol they must follow. It's all an elaborate set-up to introduce us to the movie. Duh!
Then about an hour into the movie, after 30 more scenes of looking out of windows, sitting at dinner tables and not having sex; plus an additional 20 scenes of Marie Antoinette spending all of France's money on shoes, booze, gambling, deserts, and girlfriends because nobody likes her, I start to see his point.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IS GOING ON!
There is no plot to this film. Characters appear and are never heard from again. Everyone is incredibly one dimentional. Kirsten Dunst does a lot of staring and a lot of drinking (and while I usually am the first to jump at the chance to drown my sorrows in shoes and booze, I don't charge people 10$ to see it). Everyone has really long names that you forget immediately after hearing them. There's a lot of dogs. And every montage is tossed in to the sounds of the 80s (no I am not kidding). I just don't care about this spoiled little rich girl and the gossip that follows her.
I wanted to like this film. I really did. Although I had never seen the Virgin Suicides or Lost in Translation, Sophia Coppola was all the buzz last year and this was suppose to be her big thing, the one movie she's always wanted to make. After seeing it, it doesn't give me much hope in watching those other films.
The costumes were beautiful though and I wouldn't be surprised if there was an Oscar nod there. I'm also a big fan of Jason Schwarztman (Sophia's cousin) ever since I saw him in I Heart Huckabees and, while he does steal every scene he's in, he doesn't have much to work with. Everytime something somewhat interesting happens, it's as if someone in the editing room says: "Oh no, can't have that!" and just cuts it out without any further explanation.
And who the heck thought that putting Rip Torn as the King of France (Louis XV) would be a good idea? Patches Fucking O'Hoolihan, Mr. "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball" as the King of France? Somehow as a francophone that insults me. Oh, and you know what else insults me? Kiki's attempt at singing in French. While she has a pretty voice, I haven't heard a song this phonetically garbled since Beyonce sang at the Oscars. And the one line that Marie Antoinette is known for, the famous "Let them eat cake" gets completely glossed over in less than 2 seconds.
"But Nancy, wait a minute," you might be saying. Doesn't Marie Antoinette get her head chopped off during the Revolution? Why yes, she does!
At least she's suppose to. But you wouldn't know it by watching this film. After two hours of watching her buy shoes and eat and stare and have sex with some random guy who shows up half-way through the movie, a "mob" shows up at the castle. You never really see this mob, but you can tell it's a mob thanks to the shadows of torches and pitchforks. Anyway, you have no real idea why the mob is there and all of a sudden the Marie, her husband and their children get in a carriage.
AND SCENE!
That's it? That's how the damn movie ends? I waste two damn hours of my life watching this damn boring woman and you can't even give me the satisfaction of chopping off her head?
You bastards!
Do yourselves a favor, if you really want to know more about Marie Antoinette, try the Wikepedia link. It's really that much more interesting. That is, unless you want to see Kirsten Dunst ass. In which case, have fun.
First of all, let me begin by saying that I am not, nor have I ever been a fan of Kirsten Dunst (my Bring It On guilty pleasure aside). There's just something about her that I do not like. Now, that's not to say I can't change my mind about these things. I used to dislike Natalie Portman and Claire Danes as well, but all it took was a few good films to turn me around (Garden State and V for Vendetta with Portman, Stage Beauty and The Family Stone with Danes). So on some level, I thought that this may well be the turning point film for me and Dunst.
Unfortunately, it was not to be. This was in fact one of the most boring movies I have ever seen in a very long time. About 20 minutes into the film, Darcy whispers that very statement to me and I quickly shushed him. The Philistine! What does he know about movies? Of course they needed all 10 minutes of Kirsten looking out the carriage window to represent her long and tedious journey to France. And of course they needed all 5 minutes of her and Jason Schwartzman (Louis XVI) at the dinner table not speaking to each other and then another 5 minutes of them lying quietly next to each other in bed to represent the awkward situation they were thrown into and the protocol they must follow. It's all an elaborate set-up to introduce us to the movie. Duh!
Then about an hour into the movie, after 30 more scenes of looking out of windows, sitting at dinner tables and not having sex; plus an additional 20 scenes of Marie Antoinette spending all of France's money on shoes, booze, gambling, deserts, and girlfriends because nobody likes her, I start to see his point.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IS GOING ON!
There is no plot to this film. Characters appear and are never heard from again. Everyone is incredibly one dimentional. Kirsten Dunst does a lot of staring and a lot of drinking (and while I usually am the first to jump at the chance to drown my sorrows in shoes and booze, I don't charge people 10$ to see it). Everyone has really long names that you forget immediately after hearing them. There's a lot of dogs. And every montage is tossed in to the sounds of the 80s (no I am not kidding). I just don't care about this spoiled little rich girl and the gossip that follows her.
I wanted to like this film. I really did. Although I had never seen the Virgin Suicides or Lost in Translation, Sophia Coppola was all the buzz last year and this was suppose to be her big thing, the one movie she's always wanted to make. After seeing it, it doesn't give me much hope in watching those other films.
The costumes were beautiful though and I wouldn't be surprised if there was an Oscar nod there. I'm also a big fan of Jason Schwarztman (Sophia's cousin) ever since I saw him in I Heart Huckabees and, while he does steal every scene he's in, he doesn't have much to work with. Everytime something somewhat interesting happens, it's as if someone in the editing room says: "Oh no, can't have that!" and just cuts it out without any further explanation.
And who the heck thought that putting Rip Torn as the King of France (Louis XV) would be a good idea? Patches Fucking O'Hoolihan, Mr. "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball" as the King of France? Somehow as a francophone that insults me. Oh, and you know what else insults me? Kiki's attempt at singing in French. While she has a pretty voice, I haven't heard a song this phonetically garbled since Beyonce sang at the Oscars. And the one line that Marie Antoinette is known for, the famous "Let them eat cake" gets completely glossed over in less than 2 seconds.
"But Nancy, wait a minute," you might be saying. Doesn't Marie Antoinette get her head chopped off during the Revolution? Why yes, she does!
At least she's suppose to. But you wouldn't know it by watching this film. After two hours of watching her buy shoes and eat and stare and have sex with some random guy who shows up half-way through the movie, a "mob" shows up at the castle. You never really see this mob, but you can tell it's a mob thanks to the shadows of torches and pitchforks. Anyway, you have no real idea why the mob is there and all of a sudden the Marie, her husband and their children get in a carriage.
AND SCENE!
That's it? That's how the damn movie ends? I waste two damn hours of my life watching this damn boring woman and you can't even give me the satisfaction of chopping off her head?
You bastards!
Do yourselves a favor, if you really want to know more about Marie Antoinette, try the Wikepedia link. It's really that much more interesting. That is, unless you want to see Kirsten Dunst ass. In which case, have fun.
Labels: What's Out There
posted by Nancy Kenny at
2:57 PM
1 Comments:
I just hope Michelle reads this as well as she has been tempted by the dark side to see this movie....
this might explain why the French thought it would be best if her head would be cut off :p Now if only they could do yet another movie on Napoleon and Josephine..... EHHHHH ( thumbs up) :p
By
M-A, at 9:22 AM
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