On Roller Coasters, Security Blankets and How the Mountain Won't Come to Mohamed

I don't like roller coasters. They scare me.

They're big; they're loud; they go too fast; and just when you think you've gotten used to the ride, they take a sharp drop or turn and leave you upside down and feeling helpless.

There's a metaphor for my life in there.

***************************************
When I was a baby, like most kids my age, I had a security blanket. When I was growing up, I spent a lot of summers/holidays at my grandma's house or with aunts and uncles. Everywhere I went during those days, I would bring my pillow with me; my little reminder of the comforts of home. Nowadays, I have my teddy bear (yes, you heard me, I am a grown woman with a plush bear who comes from The Bay).

My whole life, I have clutched to the concepts of safety and security and I've avoided risks and changes.

Now, there is nothing terribly wrong with wanting to be safe and comfortable, but this inability to take great risks has made it impossible to reap great rewards.

For the longest time, I've avoided pursuing acting work out of town. I wanted to find a gig in town because then I could balance it around my day job. That way I could still guarantee a steady income while pursuing what I love.

The problem is Ottawa doesn't have that many acting gigs.

Sure the number of MOWs shooting in town is on the rise, but they still cast mostly from out-of-town. And sure Third Wall has joined the ranks of professional theatres in Ottawa, but that still only puts us at a whopping four (bonus points if you can name them all). And sure my friends and I have started our own theatre company, but we're still only on the ground floor.

So, if the work won't come to me, I guess it's time for me to go to the work.

No, I'm not talking about moving. I love Ottawa and I want to make it my home base (I've already bought the home anyway), but I can't be afraid of trying out for bigger things anymore. I've avoided sending my resume out to theatre companies in Toronto because it would be impossible to do a show there and still hold down a job here. Not to mention the cost of going down there to audition without the guarantee of work is financially intimidating.

I've got to remember though that I don't want to be chained to a desk for the rest of my life. I want to be one of those people who manages to make a living off their art. I can't let worrying about what my boss would think if I were to take off for a month and a half to do a show prevent me from, at the very least, sending in a resume and a headshot.

So, this past week, I've started making some mailouts to Toronto and the area. Who knows if anything will come of it, but there is nothing gained if you don't try.

Oh and if I do end up going out of town, the bear is coming too.
***************************************

When I actually work up the nerve to go on a roller coaster ride, I find it an exhilarating experience that ends far too quickly and leaves me wondering what I was making such a big fuss about.

There's a metaphor for my life in there.