Resistance Is Futile

It’s less than a week to my acting class and I’m sinking deeper and deeper into a big stinking ball of resistance. The scene I’m doing is very tough and visceral. It’s the kind of scene that actors dream about doing. And I’m scared shitless of it. I see the play on my desk and I tell myself I will look at it later… then later comes and I still haven’t touched it. The more I wait to look at it, the bigger the fear monster gets.

I trust my partner for this scene, but I don’t trust myself.

This resistance has also seeped into everything else I do. It’s paralyzed me and made me a real pain in the ass to be around. I haven’t touched my own script in days. I take my frustrations out on the ones closest to me. I'm getting massive tension knots in my shoulders that even the most intense of yoga/pilates can't get out. But worst of all, it’s made me care deeply about what people around me think.

It’s stupid. I should just do the work. Seriously, what’s the worse that could happen? I cry? I get angry? I make a big giant mess of it all in a safe and nurturing environment where nobody will judge me?

People get up to go to war every day and I’m scared of a few lines on a page…